Sincerity, catharsis, appreciation

I returned from a particularly ordinary trip to Bangalore on Monday (22/8/05). No pubs. No booze. Just work. At work I spoke to people. Different people from different backgrounds.

I met a clerk in a govt. organisation who having worked for almost 20 years, now has a house of his own. He has spent 20 lakhs on this house. He loves trekking and goes to the himalayas periodically.

He leads an ordinary life. He owns a two-wheeler and all the amenities necessary for a convenient life. He is able to indulge in his passion - trekking. Yet when I ask what he thinks his achievements are, he says - I have achieved nothing. An acceptance that I cannot understand. Is my life better than his? Am I a better man than he?

I met a man who sells abrasives for a company owned by his brother-in-law. He admires his boss and wants to do his best for the company. He dreams of developing software to help SMEs. He dreams.

I spoke to a man whose mother died when he was young. He still hasn't recovered.

These conversations sap me. at the end of the day, I am unable to remain unaffected by the people I meet. Am I better than them? Is my life better off? It is gut wrenching to see in others traits that I see as unique to me. Sometimes I come across someone who just holds up a mirror to me and I don't like what I see.

I just finished reading The Zahir. The author suggests that the only way to move on is to empty one's cup and refill it with new experiences. I shall use this blog to empty my cup. Seemingly to the world. Seemingly to none.

I don't think I am being entirely honest. I am writing hoping that someone will read this and comment. This then is not a sincere attempt at catharsis although I would like it to be. Please god...allow me to be sincere.