Document of events

Monday morning, I reached chennai from Bangalore. Monday evening, I am on a train to Madurai. I travel by first class A/C for the first time in my life. It makes no difference to me. I love train journeys. Besides there is no one to witness the event. Hillary must have felt the same way. He's reached the top of the world but there is no one to witness it. No applause. Only frost bite. How long did it take for news to spread and for him to become recognised? Talk about delayed gratification.

I read the zahir till I fall asleep. I am woken up by a polite railway staff who informs me that I have reached Madurai. It is 3:30 am. I am picked up at the station by the hotel's taxi. I am too tired to point out that the driver has misspelt my name. That evening I went to the Meenkashi Amman temple. I was in awe of the building. I felt humbled by its size and age. I tried to pray but I couldn't. The million thoughts in my head just wouldn't stop buzzing to allow me even a minute's prayer. God! Please shut down these unnecessary thoughts and teach me to focus.
On that day, I learnt the difference between freedom and independence. Freedom is when you are able to smoke. Independence is when you smoke and your father looks the other way.

I watch TV till my eyes can't stay open any longer. I wake up late and feel guilty for waking up late and missing my jog. I have a hot shower, a hearty breakfast and head head off for work. I return late that evening and eat curd rice for Rs.110/-. Thank god it didn't have grapes in it.

I watch TV, Try to read and fall asleep. I wake up early. Think about going for a jog but go for a swim instead. Hearty breakfast and then work. From there to the railway station for the journey back to chennai. I get to the station early so I can concentrate on my book alone in a crowded place. No one bothers me till hunger pangs get the better off me. I go to the food court at the station and eat some parotta and egg curry.

I think, only that morning I had been swimming, in a pool with peacocks walking by, and eating breakfast in one of the finest hotels the city had to offer. How quickly life changes?

Strangely I felt like I was observing myself. As if I were the subject of some research. I could only think of writing about that experience in this blog and what someone who actually reads it might think. I felt detached from myself. I still feel that way.

I was there but I was not in the moment allowing all my senses to experience the richness of the moment. I did not feel anything. That is the same emptiness I have in everything I do. I do but I don't feel. God! Help me find passion in my life. Help me be in the moment.