A letter I once wrote to an idea I was in love with
Called your place twice today. First at 5:00pm and then later at 7:00 pm. I think I got a fax machine. The first time, I thought it was an answering machine and tried to leave a message and felt really silly afterwards. I got the same thing the second time but didn’t leave a message. I’m really intelligent.
I called to tell you that I finished reading “By the river Piedra…”. I am left with very mixed reactions. I am amused and disturbed.
I am amused because the book took me back to a Full Gospel Student’s Fellowship camp that I attended unwittingly. I was actually tricked into attending this camp. Soon after I finished high school, my friend told me that a group of people he knew at church were planning this trip to Bangalore for 2 nights & 3 days for just Rs.300/-. I jumped at the offer with visions of gorgeous girls and unlimited beer in dark pubs. I cannot describe my dismay when we were herded into a lodge and were given the itinerary for the three days
4:00 am – 7:00 am: Prayer and bible reading
7:30 am: Breakfast
8:00 am – 12:00: Word of God
12:00 – 12:15 pm: Coffee break
12:15 pm – 2:15 pm: Word of God
2:15 pm - 3:00 pm: Lunch
3:00 pm – 5:00 pm: Musical entertainment (gospel music. The worst singers you’ll ever hear in your life. I strongly believe that these singers wanted to be rock stars in real life but were never good enough. So they sing in church where no one ever questions / demands quality. Anything goes in the name of devotion. I am not generalizing all gospel music. I have heard some really good gospel music)
5:00 pm – 5:15 pm: Coffee break
5:15 pm – 7:15 pm: Word of God
7:15 pm – 8:00 pm: Dinner
8:00 pm – 9:30 pm: Bible reading and prayer
By the end of the first day, I had mastered the art of sleeping with my eyes open. And so the second day started with the pastor waking us up at 4:00 am for the bible reading session. Thankfully we were left to our own devices. I was reading Kane & Abel (by Jeffrey Archer) while my roommates were fooling around when the pastor burst through the door. He said “Shame on you. You are all a disgrace.” Pointing at me he said, “ You should all be like him. Look at him devoutly reading the bible.” As the only Hindu in that congregation I was instantly despised. The cherubic expression I had on didn’t help matters.
Over the next two days, I heard people speak in tongues, laugh the divine laugh and survived several attempts to change my faith. It was an experience second to none.
I am disturbed by Paulo Coelho's book because it tells me that I should surrender to my heart and emotions completely and not be ruled by reason. This goes completely against everything I have told myself. I tell myself that love (or a relationship) is a distraction that will take me away from my chosen path. I cannot get involved with anybody till such time as I have a lot of money in the bank and a piece of land to call my own. But I have a void in my life that I am seeking to fill. I turn to books, sport and theatre to fill that void…but nothing helps.
Which explains why I am writing this letter. If I were to do as my heart commands I will find myself outside your house day after tomorrow for nothing more than just a glimpse of you. The “Other” inside tells me that I am undertaking an exercise in futility for, I quote the “Other”, “Your presence or absence does not make even an iota of difference to her. She only replies to your mails and takes your phone calls because she is polite and nice.”
Here I will quote Paulo Coelho “Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.”
“A fall from the third floor hurts as much as a fall from the hundredth. If I have to fall, may it be from a high place.”
Love
I called to tell you that I finished reading “By the river Piedra…”. I am left with very mixed reactions. I am amused and disturbed.
I am amused because the book took me back to a Full Gospel Student’s Fellowship camp that I attended unwittingly. I was actually tricked into attending this camp. Soon after I finished high school, my friend told me that a group of people he knew at church were planning this trip to Bangalore for 2 nights & 3 days for just Rs.300/-. I jumped at the offer with visions of gorgeous girls and unlimited beer in dark pubs. I cannot describe my dismay when we were herded into a lodge and were given the itinerary for the three days
4:00 am – 7:00 am: Prayer and bible reading
7:30 am: Breakfast
8:00 am – 12:00: Word of God
12:00 – 12:15 pm: Coffee break
12:15 pm – 2:15 pm: Word of God
2:15 pm - 3:00 pm: Lunch
3:00 pm – 5:00 pm: Musical entertainment (gospel music. The worst singers you’ll ever hear in your life. I strongly believe that these singers wanted to be rock stars in real life but were never good enough. So they sing in church where no one ever questions / demands quality. Anything goes in the name of devotion. I am not generalizing all gospel music. I have heard some really good gospel music)
5:00 pm – 5:15 pm: Coffee break
5:15 pm – 7:15 pm: Word of God
7:15 pm – 8:00 pm: Dinner
8:00 pm – 9:30 pm: Bible reading and prayer
By the end of the first day, I had mastered the art of sleeping with my eyes open. And so the second day started with the pastor waking us up at 4:00 am for the bible reading session. Thankfully we were left to our own devices. I was reading Kane & Abel (by Jeffrey Archer) while my roommates were fooling around when the pastor burst through the door. He said “Shame on you. You are all a disgrace.” Pointing at me he said, “ You should all be like him. Look at him devoutly reading the bible.” As the only Hindu in that congregation I was instantly despised. The cherubic expression I had on didn’t help matters.
Over the next two days, I heard people speak in tongues, laugh the divine laugh and survived several attempts to change my faith. It was an experience second to none.
I am disturbed by Paulo Coelho's book because it tells me that I should surrender to my heart and emotions completely and not be ruled by reason. This goes completely against everything I have told myself. I tell myself that love (or a relationship) is a distraction that will take me away from my chosen path. I cannot get involved with anybody till such time as I have a lot of money in the bank and a piece of land to call my own. But I have a void in my life that I am seeking to fill. I turn to books, sport and theatre to fill that void…but nothing helps.
Which explains why I am writing this letter. If I were to do as my heart commands I will find myself outside your house day after tomorrow for nothing more than just a glimpse of you. The “Other” inside tells me that I am undertaking an exercise in futility for, I quote the “Other”, “Your presence or absence does not make even an iota of difference to her. She only replies to your mails and takes your phone calls because she is polite and nice.”
Here I will quote Paulo Coelho “Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.”
“A fall from the third floor hurts as much as a fall from the hundredth. If I have to fall, may it be from a high place.”
Love
posted by Chaani at 9:52 PM
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