Beginning at the end

“Diabolic. Servitude. Gratitude. Attitude. What are these terms? What are they referring to? “ These were the words the blocked writer started to type on his old typewriter in an effort to kick start his imagination. He took a long drag from his pack of Benson & Hedges as pondered the sources of these words.

Words do not pop into your head at random. Words are thrown into your mind from the depths of your sub conscious. “Where did these words come from?”

The writer leaned back in his chair and stubbed out his cigarette in his overflowing ashtray. He lifted his arms over his head and folded them under his head. He put his feet up on the edge of the table. He was now completely relaxed in a position that most would find terribly uncomfortable. But that was the story of this man’s life. He was comfortable in positions most wouldn’t.

He took a breath and thought about the word diabolic. Where did that come from? Was it from the movie by the same name that had a very hot leading lady whose name he had now forgotten? Was it an aspect of his personality that tried to run away from? Did he aspire to be diabolical? Would his life have been better had he chosen to be diabolical?

He dismissed these thoughts. He had made his choices. He was now living with them. Being diabolical would have filled him with hatred and torn him apart from within. No he was better off now. He had made the right choices.

Servitude and gratitude. These words had affected his life a great deal more. His schooling taught him servitude and life had taught him gratitude. He had to unlearn servitude. He had to learn to be grateful for the right things. Servitude and gratitude to humans were in vain. These he had learnt the hard way. It had taken a long time but now he was no longer serving other humans or being grateful to them.

While his servitude to humans may have ended, he now served his craft which was far more demanding than any human. His craft gave him pride and dignity in return for his servitude while humans took these away. His craft gave him humility and the right attitude to life.

These thoughts brought him peace. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He dreamed of writing the novel that would define the literary style of the twenty first century. He dreamt that he was speaking in front of an audience of thousands after having won a prestigious award. In his dream he heard the deafening applause that rose to a crescendo. People were on their feet as he descended from the stage and walked towards the exit.

The door opened in front of him. A white light shone and he walked towards it.