Tishani

Saw her picture in the paper a couple of days ago. My heart , I think, stopped. There was a very heavy feeling that I carried with me for the rest of the day after seeing this picture. She looked ravishing. I cut out that picture from the paper and put it in my wallet.

Why did I do that? i think I am in love with her. But I don't know if it is her or if it is the idea of her. Just think about it, she is a poet, writer working on Muralitharan's biography, dancer. She knows who she is. It is not very hard to fall in love with this creature. She embodies everything a woman should be. She is my idea of a perfect woman. She is an ideal.

"C'mon man, you are just saying all this. She is beautiful and that is what draws you to her." Not really. I wish it were true. But is not. She exudes a calmeness and a strength off character that is enchanting. She is graceful and polite. When she moves, she doesn't even disturb the molecules around her. I think, they actually part to may way for her. She looks delicate but that is very deceptive. She is strong. Must be all that yoga she does. Perfection can take a lesson or two from her.

The first time I met her, I was a frog. I had to serenade her in front of 500 people. Thank you lord for the opportunity. Though it was just a play, for me it was real. Too bad, I wasn't much of a singer. I don't recall if we ever spoke during rehearsals, but I do remember one time when some of the cast members went for a movie. She came for the movie with her boyfriend. I was shattered.

Several years later, I ran into her at the gym in the boat club. She was using the treadmill. A vision of beauty. Perhaps wordsworth was thinking of her when he wrote "she walks in beauty".
Stupid me could think of just one idiotic question to ask her, "What does a beautiful woman like you think about when you look inthe mirror?". Should fate present me with such an opportunity again, I should just watch and not open my mouth.

Fate has been kind to me. It brought us together once again after several years. This time it was an audition for a play, "A Mid summer night's dream". This time the roles are revered. She is playing Helena and i am playing Demetrius. Helena (Tishani) says,

Helena:
And for that do I love you the more
I am your spaniel and Demetrius
The more you beat me, I will fawn on you
Use me but as your spaniel, spurn me, strike me
Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave
Unworthy as I am, to follow you
What worser place can I beg in your love-
And yet a place of high respect with me-
Than to be used as you use your dog?

The above were the words of Helena but for me they came from Tishani. I felt as though she were saying the lines I was meant to say to her. What followed was the most difficult task I have ever done in my life. I had to say the lines of Demetrius

Demetrius
Tempt not too mcuch the hatred of my spirit
For I am sick when I do look on thee.

Such lies I had to speak. Those lines were in complete contradiction to what I was feeling. Such paradoxical situations life puts you in.

I didn't get the part. What's a part when the biggest drama of my life was being played out. All the world's a stage I guess.

I saw her again after about a year under the strangest circumstance. I had received a girl's horoscope with a proposal for marriage. I had met her earlier in the day. She was sweet, nice and polite but there was no chemistry. And I was wondering if chemistry exists between people. I went to Elliot's beach to contemplate this as I was really in two minds. As I turned the corner to the beach, I saw her. Tishani was talking to someone. I turned to park my bike close to where she was standing and she said, "Hello, Vidyuth.". I said "Hello", turned my back on her and walked away. But my confusion had vanished. My mind was made up. I would not marry the girl I met earlier.

Then I saw her picture in the paper.

Now all I have is a void. I am incomplete. Fate! I beseech you to give me one more moment with her. I shall savour it for the rest of my life. Please let our paths cross again.