Today

Started the day running 20 kms. I struggled through the distance. I told myself that I should take it easy the first half and push myself in the second half. I guess I shuold not do any such thing. I should just find my rhythm and go for it. While I finished the run today, I am not happy with the number of walking breaks I took. Frankly i know i am capable of much better but what happens to my confidence. My confidence in myself is not absolute, it seems relative to the others in the group. How does one develop will power and mental strength?

I have to evaluate my life and my goals. I am 31 years old. I have recently come into possession of my own apartment. I want to make more money just like everyone else. Should i try something new?

I have a good thing going now. I guess I should just work on doing it better. what do i want to do. I want to write and stage some plays. I have some ideas, i do not know why i just do not get on with it. It is frustrating. What am i waiting for? i do not know. I guess I will know only when i try.

I want to be fit. I want to have a fit body but my paunch is a big let down. I do not look the way i want to. How do i reduce my paunch. More exercise better diet. More self control. I eat when i am bored. I guess i should try and avoid boredom.

I want to save money but the waiting is killing and the process to long. Why can i not just make a lot of money in like in a lottery? It is a question of faith i guess.

I guess i am not clear about the things i want. Let me try and aput them down on paper. I will do that now.

People bother me. They are not around when i need them. Maybe i am not around when they need me. Why do i not reach out? Does that make me weak? The people I expect to respond do not when i do reach out. Anyway this is just the rambling of a bored mind. Think i shall go to bed now.

Maybe i want too many things. I cannot prioritise my wants. Hmm maybe there lies the problem